Tuesday, June 27, 2006

excerpt from a journal

An inebriated friend once told me that the stars the burnt out disturbed him. I immediately knew why. A thought that was triggered by and old song made me think of that occasion. The thought may be profound….but I think the way that he put it was irreplaceable. Much like Plato’s cave story, it is the illusion that we have been known to be true is in fact the opposite. They are a false sense of security, and so is graduation from college.

I miss college. I miss that same sense of security like the stars before I found out that they were burnt out. Graduation is like wandering around your house in the dark. It is the illusion of being blind, but it is easy for you know where all the corners and doorways are. Many times you are tempted to flick the light switch, but the child in you likes the feeling of being blind. In this little game, the last step on the stairs is the feeling of graduation. I used to count them when running up them every day, and because of this I know that there are precisely 13 steps on both of the stairs in my house. Often when I am playing blind, I count to confirm…that is if I am not thinking of other matters. The other night, I was thinking of other matters. The lapse caused me to take that last extra step and I got the worst feeling in the world. It is the feeling that you are no longer in control of your self. You reach out and shift your weight assuming ground, or in my case a stair, enough to place your foot. The world crumbled and let you down to fall.


Anonymous Victoria said...

I'm thankful that I know at least one person who is honest about being scared to be out in the real world. Most people around me claim they are confident and happy with the change (which makes me confident and happy to graduate soon), but I think I would prefer the truth.

I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for... you have a lot of people around you who will be willing to help you out if something goes wrong while you're playing "grown up". I'm totally thrilled to hear that you're making a move! (Even if it is to my home state!... ok, I'm a little biased!) I wish you the best of luck out there, and if there's anything you ever need out there let me know! (lord knows my mom would be happy to adopt you!)

6/30/2006 6:19 PM  

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