Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Post College General Apathy Disorder

Hello, I am a sufferer of Post College General Apathy Disorder, PCGAD is something that plagues a number of us graduates. The root is in the security that our parents have offered us in our current plight. Without a place to stay, they have assured us a house and a home in the transitional period from college to reality. I for one have been there and done that. That is why I am hear, to educate you parents on the harm that you are doing to your newly graduated son or daughter. I know that you are currently basking in the glow that comes from your new found pride of them, but it is this comfort that is bringing on wave after wave of apathy in their daily lives.

The common side effects are as follows:
  • apathy towards job searching
  • apathy towards transitional job search
  • waking up in the mid to late afternoon
  • sloppiness in work ethic in house chores
  • going to bed somewhere in the 4:00 - 6:00 am range
  • lethargic attitude towards general daily tasks such as: hygiene and regularity of meals
  • apathy towards life in general

As a word of warning towards parents, you must kick your son or daughter's ass into gear. If you are unsure on how to motivate them, threaten them with everything you have. Tell them that you will stop paying for their car payments and insurance, then cut their brake lines so when they get in an accident a nice little wake up call will alarm them to their current situation. Or you may also take away all of those little toys that you have bought them over the years: computers, X-Box, Playstation 2, iPods, stereos, TV, cable, not to mention the waterbed that allows them to sleep like a king. In fact, you should replace their mattress with one from Goodwill, there is nothing like waking up in a bed that is soaked in urine!

This may all seem a little harsh at this moment in their life, but life is pain. And they need to get used to it.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by your local Reality Check.


Anonymous Victoria said...

OMG... I never thought I would see the day! Mr. Blog has made a mockery of his blog. I LOVE it!

This one was funny. Way to go.

Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about your new condition. You are so great for warning parents about this silent epidemic. Although, for someone who gives me a hard time for having insomnia the whole 4-6 am thing is usually not bedtime for normal people. But at least you're making up for it by sleeping the day away!

Keep taking your pills and you will feel better soon! I'm sure your parents will see a difference in you soon!

5/31/2006 10:34 PM  

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