Bright Eyes

"The end of the paralysis

I was a statuette

Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench

And when I press the keys

It all gets reversed

The sound of loneliness makes me happier"

These words are from Bright Eyes' song Poison Oak. Every time I listen to this album, I am taken aback and forced to listen admiringly. His voice is shaken and ugly in every way in the classical convention, but that is not the point of it. Bright Eyes is comparable to Dylan, he too was ugly and for that he was given a god-like status. They have something that no one else has, a self-conscious view that they bi-pass. "To thy own self be true", they could not succeed without this. What makes them good is their lyrics, "a picture is worth a thousand words", but a thousand words are to much for a song. They create images out of metaphors and other literary devices, so their songs are worth more than a thousand words; and this is by far the hardest thing to create. I applaud you Conner.

Sleep all day, watch all night

I have been on break from college for exactly a week now, and although I love this, it is still oddly boring. I really am loving this time off from school and responsibility, it is kind of boring. When taking classes, it is a steady pace of tasks that are needed to be completed every day. It seems without these daily obligations right now, I am lost and starting to have a lackluster attitude towards normal necessary tasks such as the preparation and consumption of food. Have I become so lazy in my breaks that I have lost the will to prepare myself a proper meal. Take today as an example, I got up at 10:00 and proceeded to watch three movies pretty much nonstop, with breaks to grab a half eaten bag of chips and a couple cans of my favorite soda. After watching these three movies, I proceeded to take an hour long nap while reading a book. Right now, it seems that I have lost the effort to call my friends on the telephone to hang out.
I am most likely just in a bored state right now. Consuming these few short weeks with a lethargic attitude is not always a bad attitude, actually I would probably kick my own ass in a few years because these days are few and very far between. These bouts of laziness are only achieved in the eras of college and unemployment. But I probably will have to cancel out the times of unemployment, due to the fact that I will most likely be spending them worrying about where the next job will pop up at. So this is a rare time in deed. On that note, I think that I will be satisfied with my current lethargic attitude towards life.

Reading Hunter Lately

I have been reading Hunter S. Thompson's "Kingdom of Fear" over break. The more I read him, the better I feel about myself and worse about the world. One of the passages that struck me about one of his entries is some advice his father gave him when he was ten. "Beware son. There is Trouble lurking out there in that darkness, sure as hell. Wild beasts and cruel people, and some of them will pounce on your neck and try to tear your head off, if you're not careful."

He later remarks that this is an awful heavy bit of advice to lay on a 10 year old, but he also remarked that without this piece of advice he would not be what he was to the date. Coming to a stark view on the world at such a young age gave him an advantage over his peers. Allowing himself to recognize the evil in man and not fall into the traps of trusting in your so called "friends". This is why everyone should be confident in their own ideas and beliefs, if someone tells you differently that maybe their own way of deterring you from it and taking it.

One thing that you must remember is that we all are human, and the ability to lie, cheat, and steal is ingrained into our nature. We may have religion and morals to govern ourselves, but most of it is a crock of shit. If you had the ability to steal a million dollars without having consequences or punishment for the action would you take it? FUCK YES. That is the only answer that you can give. If someone is to tell you differently, that is the fucking proof of his own dishonest nature. Most people think that we are governed by love and compassion, I think it is greed.

Greed of one's self, companion, and family. Even if someone has a bad family, i.e. bad genes, they still have children despite their own inadequacies. They want their own genes or name to live on, out of their own greed of their lineage. There are very few people who think about overpopulation, maybe there shouldn't be families of 12 all of the sudden. I think that China was right on that one. Families should only have one fucking kid. There are too many people in this world anyway. Lord knows that we shouldn't have a whole flock of Kevin Federlines out in the world. If the United States government could instigate a law sometime in the next few years about minimum intelligence to have children, I would be most grateful. There is a need for a smarter USA population. One example of the deterioration of our society is our entertainment, Reality fucking Television. We like to see everyday people live in dream worlds and bitch about how it should be in the "Big Brother House". Fuck them! Find something constructive with your life and do it, stop messing with my fucking television programming.

Christmas Break

Finally, finals are over and it is once again time to go home to Council Bluffs. This break I am going to keep it simple; I brought a bunch of old movies home, a few classics that are a must. It is refreshing to a great movie out every once and a while and rewatch it. So far, I have refreshed myself in the genius of Sergio Leone. I watched his western epic, Once Upon a Time in the West. Although I only saw this a little over a year ago, it is still just as striking today as it was the first viewing. There is something so operatic and compelling about the story, something that is so profound and mystical. I am most struck by the style and essence of Harmonica, one of the lead characters. He is slow and methodical in his actions, a trait that I like in my heroes, making his actions seem planned and thought-out. Another character that really strikes me is Frank, played by the great actor Henry Fonda. Yes, I said Henry Fonda. He usually plays good guys, but in OUTIW he is as dark as the night. Now to get away from the characters, the style of the film is another area worth looking. Now most films need to have constant action or sound, OUTIW doesn't need those. Sergio doesn't need to fall back on those crutches, he uses Ennio Morricone. Morricone uses sounds of everyday life to create a beat, a rhythm that take over and become the soundtrack. The first 17 minutes of the film have only 2 sentences in it and is still kept interesting. That is talent. The soundtrack of the film has themes within it. When a character dominates a scene, his own theme music comes along with it. Landscapes is the next area of Leone's genius. He creates amazing landscapes of the west and also the face. Most directors are afraid of having an actor's face dominate the screen, but he makes it so there is nothing but the face, and you can see into the pores of their skin. That is why he is great.
The list of films that I took home with me to watch is quite large, in fact I wonder if I will be able to watch them all in this short three weeks. The Godfather Trilogy, Team America: World Police, Silence of the Lambs, Once Upon a Time in the West, Platoon, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and Casablanca.

Dreams

Dreams are one of the most profound words in the English language. If are asked "what are you dreams". The usual answer is something that is a desire or goal that is proceeded with a long description one cannot even describe. Dreams are anything and everything that is imaginable. But if you look at them realistically the end result of our lives, turns ou to be something that is nowhere close to be achieving. Maybe that is why they are called dreams. Dreams are an area in your mind where your unconscious is allowed to play. Random synapse fire off creating images; sometimes they make sense other times they are not relevant. Well I had one last night, it is one of the most vivid I have had in a while. It is troubling to me because I usually forget my dreams and nightmares. When I remember them, I think the worst out of them. I remember one from last year where I was on a sand castle falling into an ocean, I was being chased by an invisable force, it was just hurting me.
This brings me to the vision of last night. The past summer I spent in New York City doing my internship, and since have loved the city. Last night I was back in the city. I had been traveling in a car all around, so I remember that I was working somewhere in the city. I remember coming back into the city from one of the other islands. I went to the place I worked at in the summer, but it had transformed into a large building as high as the sky. Even thoug it had grown to an amazing size in the past few monthes, it was the same including the people that I worked with. I was showing my sister all around and then had to show her the area where I stayed in the apartment. But this seemed so illogical to me because I was uptown then went back down. After a while I went to the grocery store and my sister was transformed into a new friend from there, but I didn't notice this until later. I was going to pay for something and reached to my back pocket and another hand had grabbed out my wallet. I punched away the hand, which belonged to a loiter that had been staring at me the whole time in the store. He then proceeded to pull out a knife. I heard my friend scream then I awoke.
This may not seem all that odd to another person, but I have had a lot of situations where I feel deja vu. It happens not every once in a blue moon, but like once every two monthes. It is quite scary, and it is usually the mondane events that it happens to except for once. I had deja vu the one time that I drove into the ditch swerving at a deer. In the back of my mind I have been waiting for the next time where my dreams or nightmares will occur.

Finally We are at Finals

It is once again that time of year. The leaves have all fallen, the snow is here to stay. I am scrambling to get my homework done for the semester. Students are having all night cram sessions, that could be the case, but not here at Morningside. That is the one bad thing about this college, as far as stretching our intellect, this place is not. Most of the professors are well lazy.
I only have two actual finals. One tonight and the other one on Friday. Neither really are all that important. Right now school is boring. I am one of those people who will get easily bored with stuff. I like having new knowledge being inserted into my brain. But one thing has been there the whole time. I have never got bored with films. Deemed "the most expensive art form, and the newest" it has never ceased to amaze me. A film can wow an audience, or make them laugh. It can piss people off or change their lives. The power of film is endless. They are a way to escape, but if you look deeper you will find philosophy and a religion within. Films are as deep as you want them. I like to look into their souls. Most of the time I find reflection, the filmmakers mark on their work. Their life outlook, their pains and suffering, their frustrations and observations. That is what is so great about the art of film. But this is also what frustrates me about film. It is a corporate machine. You cannot finance a picture without mucho dollaro. You need some bank, and you need someone to part with it. If you tell people that it is going to be an art film, they will give you a few pennies, if it is a blockbuster they will give you lots of money, but at a cost. The filmmaker will have to give up their own pay or their soul of the project to keep the investors happy. This came up as an issue in King Kong. Jack Black character wanted to have the ability to do his art so much that he will borrow, steal, and kill to get his film made. That is what you have to do to make anything these days. We don't have to be honest or sincere, that is for god damn pussies. To make it in this world you have to steal your way in, fuck over your friends, and borrow from the devil. To be great is to sin, but to not go for the gold is to commit another kind of sin; to accept yourself and your place is to be lazy, in America there is no life of contempt. There is only success or failure. The world is picking sides, and you better be on the winning one.
Bob, one of my good friends, always said that Sioux City is a blackhole of a town. Sometimes I think that he is right. There seems to be quite a majority of the people that make up the population of this dump rather dumb. And as far as culture comes in this joint, there is the Orpheum. That is it, a wasteland of a town. You can go down to 4th street and have yourself a good time, wait they are only open on the weekends? Well what about the Friday and Saturday night? How are they? One word can describe this experience: awkward. If you are not in with the local sports teams AKA Mustangs you can't go to Rosie's. If you don't like to dance, you can't go to Rosie's or Tom's. If you don't like to be hanging out with old people, then avoid Sweet Fanny's. The only place you can go now is Buffalo Alice's, but that is no joy either. There is no atmosphere in the air about these local pubs. I would take the dives of Paxton or Mile's. Why must going to a bar consist of dancing? Isn't a bar the place where you go to get a drink? Why must we have to do something else. We need a bar where you can go with a few friends and enjoy your conversation. There is no need for a obviously too loud stereo system going to attract your local winos, alcoholics, and booze hounds. Give me a place where I can hang my hat and have a glass of Crown.