Life is just around the corner. It is something you must find

My parents have always been a source of great support, but as of lately they are more like the biggest source of pain. I am 21 and just been entered into the last semester of my Undergraduate college career. They think that at this time I should have my plan. The ultimate goal and all of the little steps between filled with the i's dotted and the t's crossed. But they have always been hardcore idealist. I am the opposite: The hardcore realist. I am the painful supervillian of their very existence. I don't dream and when I finally do, I get angry and crush them down. Grrrr! In my eyes, I see the black, white, and the many grays that are in between them.

If my life was a book, I would still be in the first chapter. When ever you read a biography of a person, they are often the largest chapter, but that is because they are jamming 21 odd years into 30-40 pages. The good part of my life in yet to come. All the events in my life are building up to a series of highs and lows that will make my life a whirlwind of excitment and adventure. Most people read biographies of their heros, in whatever genre or subgenre of life. My biography will be one filled with many different professions and careers. I am going to be a Maverick in the world. The first step will be following the graduation of the 2006 class of Morningside High.

With the help and guidance of various people in my life, I will find my life. I have decided that I am heading out of Iowa ASAP. I have found the reality of Iowa and it is not me. I need a new area to master. I think that everyone has their own Mecca. Bikers have their Sturgis, I have my New York. New York here I come, and I will not forget this place. I will use it for an inspiration on how to limit and hurt my spirit.

End is Near, but Memories Unfold

Well, it has been a few days shy of a month since I have had to worry about homework, and it seems like it will be a little while longer until I see that day. The joys of having a relaxing last semester of my college career. Now this is not totally knocking out the possibility of post-undergrad institutions, but for at least now I will choose to steer clear of them. Since I now have all of this free time, I have the proper amount of time to wallow in my sorrows and crippling fear of post-graduation world.

Morningside will always be a place of High Schoolers that finally learn how to grow-up. It is really not the students or faculty's fault, it is a difference of the intentions and reality that the institution provides. But this is something that I have been able to look past. It is not my fault that some people need some time to grow, in fact it took myself a while to do that. Without this place, I don't think I would be where I am today (to this date I am debating whether this is a good thing or a bad thing). There are things that I will miss from this place, and like all times I will have regrets for the actions that I happened to put into motion or failed to do so. If this was my real journal I would write them down, but that is a little personal for a blog that is for all to see. Instead I will write them down and square it away with all of the other things that I push away and occasionally bring out for nostalgic reasons.

Speaking of taking out bits and pieces of the past out, I did just that this past Christmas break. The pack rat in my has allowed for a multitude of boxes to build up in the small area that I call my room at my parent's house. I was parusing through one of them and stumbled on a box that I had recently packed away after my freshman year of college. Dear God, is it bad that I referenced recent and freshman year? Nevermind. But after pulling out this box and fumbling through the contents, I stumbled upon a football program from that year. There were a whole slue of name that I barely remember, but faces and instances that I will never forget. I feel cheesy talking about freshman football that way, but it really was like a line from Goodfellas "it was when I met the world". Which is true for the most part, but for now that is it for the trip down memory lane.

Hunter, Change, and the Death of the American Century

These two paragraphs are taken from the book Kingdom of Fear by Hunter S. Thompson. I only use this as a start for my own opinions. I will miss you, and wish that you were still around to guide this misinformed civilization.

“The news is bad today, in America and for America. There is nothing good or hopeful about it – except for Nazis, warmongers, and rich greedheads – and it is getting worse and worse in logarithmic progressions since the fateful bombing of the World Trade Towers in New York. That will always be a festering low watermark in this nation’s violent history, but it was not the official birthday of the end of the American Century.

No. That occurred on the night of the presidential election in the year 2000, when the nexus of power in this country shifted from Washington D.C., to “the ranch” in Crawford, Texas. The most disastrous day in American history was November 7, 2000. That was when the takeover happened, when the generals and cops and right-wing Jesus freaks seized control of the White House, the U.S. Treasury, and our Law Enforcement machinery.”

These words that were written by the great late Hunter S. Thompson bring to light the true feelings in my heart as of lately. After years of believing in the American Century fallacy, I have recently discovered that there is no American Century left. The lead of this pencil has been worn out.

“All of the king’s horses

and all of the king’s men

could not get rid

of the president’s red.

Red of the country

and his soul

shows the blood of Iraq

that he has made”

My wish in this world is for the righteousness to reign true. I know that there is no hope left for this dream to frolic. The one truth of the world is that there is always war. War binds us, war divides us, and war defines us. Wars are all started from conflict, and conflict makes us what we are. The reason that the American Century has died for me is the result of the light that has recently been shed on the greatest tragedy that my generation has witnessed: the falling of the Twin Towers in New York City. It is the event that crushed my soul and brought the failings of man to the forefront.

A documentary called “Loose Change” covers the grounds for the strange occurrences that did happen on that day. My beliefs that is wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the government. That is the simple sad shocking truth. It kills my soul. I feel sick, ill from my own government to kill thousands of our own citizens to make their own war of oil justified. This has gone on long enough. It pains me, shocks the marrow in my bones to hear this.

In this world there are so many different aspects that we should strive to achieve. Our soul should be the first and foremost area of our lives to tend to. We need to find enlightenment, achieve a greater understanding of ourselves. Without our soul, we would all cease to live a meaningful existence.

It seems that our man-child president is one to disagree with this ideal. He is opposed to gay rights to marriage, abortion, and many other rights of the individual. He is the creator and distributor of the Patriot Act. After the renewal of the Act failed, he resorted to calling the Senators names and the Constitution of the United States of American “just a piece of paper”. This event shocks and frustrates me to the point of rage. Without that piece of paper, we would not be what we are today. The Constitution, last time I checked, was the basis for our country and the principles that our fathers decided on to live our lives with. This is enough of my ranting and raving for the time being.

Shocked and exhaustedly yours,

Iowa Film Nazi EBM

End of a Campaign

I just finished watching "Band of Brothers". I feel literally exhausted. Over ten hours of a mini-series, you really get to know the characters and watch them grow. I know that sounds really chiched, but it is so true. I felt the beginning few episodes were the best. I really got to know Major Winters, and I really liked him. He was perhaps my favorite character, he was a stoic figure that rose up and showed the men what to do and led them into a war for which they had trained nearly two year for. The second favorite character has to be Webster. He was with Easy Company for nearly the whole time, with the main exception of Bastogne. While recouping after Holland, he was hospitalized until they reached Germany. For this he was ostracized for being wounded. He was treated like a replacement. That is why I like him so much, sometimes I feel like a replacement, an outsider looking on in.

After this exhausting series, I have choosen to watch a safe and enjoyable movie, Casablanca. How can you go wrong with Rick and Ilsa, the star-crossed lovers that were denied and connected by a war. It is not only a love story, but also a story of hope and corruption. Corruption contained in the town of Casablanca, but it is because of the corruption that people are allowed to escape from the clutches of the German army. If it wasn't for the corruption of Rick, Ilsa and Victor wouldn't be able to escape to America, the symbol of freedom. It is nice to see a time where America is considered the land of freedom and purity. Now it is a sign of greed, unhappiness, and political unjust. We are worshipping the corporations today, we slurp down their products, stare at their images, and waste our days away. The death of the American Century is at hand. We are no longer the saviors of the world, we are the enemy.

Objective what?!?

Seeing as I am, in this college age, studying the field of Mass Communications, I have been thinking about the job of the reporter/writer/journalist. One of the many jobs that we take as being journalist is the duty of objectivity. Objectivity as Dictionary.com is "judgment based on observable phenomena and uninfluenced by emotions or personal prejudices". As a human being, it is hard to view something, an event or occurrence, without emotion or personal prejudices. If someone is to write about an event, how are they to choose one detail over another? How is he to remain objective? Won't the journalist, by their choice of details, already make the article subjective? Subjective is the opposite of the word Objective, as in the world of journalism. Subjectivity according to Dictionary.com is "judgment based on individual personal impressions and feelings and opinions rather than external facts". So with this in mind, if one is to remain objective about a story, one will have to remove all instances of personal impressions and stick to facts. How is one to remain objective when reporting a rape. The pure nature of the crime is severe, proving that if one is to remain objective in such a case a reader would be appalled by the cold nature of the article.

The reason that I am going over this is because of my current read. I just finished "Kingdom of Fear" by Hunter S. Thompson. He is famed for starting Gonzo journalism, a supersubjective way of reporting news. He coined this idea and like the great Karl Marx, it was made out of the purest of all intentions. Hunter designed this to create a way of reporting without editing and censoring the journalist. He devised a plan to trust the authority of the journalist, and take away the censoring that binds and hurts the honest and sincere intentions of the writer; to leave their thoughts and feelings honest and pure. I, for one, admire this way of reporting. It would make for a more honest society, maybe. Honesty is such a hard idea to conjure up. People have feelings, which by their nature are genuine and honest, but are change to become more acceptable to society when they spoken or written on paper.

It has been a while since I have read for pleasure, due mostly to classes. Classes inhibit my motivation to read because it harms my eyes after a while, that and I become lazy after a while and forget to read other stuff. I wish that I read more and wrote more. My cousin Amy told me "my favorite professor told me to write at least 4 pages a day, even about inane stuff. It will gradually make you better". I think that this is right. Although you may start to write shit at the beginning, it will help you in the long run. You will eventually start to get into a flow of writing. Flow is the most important thing that a writer can possess. Without flow, no one would read Dan Brown's popular books. People wouldn't make it past the third chapter of "The Catcher in the Rye," and finish it with a deeper understanding of their own teenage angst.

Well, that is it for me. I hope to keep this writing up for the rest of the break. I still have the last two hours of "Band of Brothers" to complete as well as a whole stack of DVD's to watch before adding them to the list of movies that I have seen.
-------------"I'm just an actor with a gun who's lost his motivation." - King Kong (I subjectively suggest that you see it!)